I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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