First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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