quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
