let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
