so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
