Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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