I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
