I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
