whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
