I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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