last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
