it hurts more in the daytime
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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