I must be too annoying 4 u.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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