After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
