i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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