Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
