I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
