She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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