I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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