She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
how does that bad decision feel?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
