I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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