Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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