a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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