By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
