I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
