I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
