i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have post one night stand depression
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