I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
