I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
