so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
