thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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