my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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