I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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