Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
