I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
