Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
