dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
