i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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