so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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