Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
