I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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