Pappa wants mamma naked
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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