I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
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I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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