And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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