ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
