If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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