Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
