Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
