I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
