You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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