Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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