i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
