I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
