you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
