News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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