He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
