i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
