she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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