just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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