first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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