I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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