Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
