So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
