The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
