# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
