I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
