i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
