Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
