The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
