I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
