yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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