Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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