I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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