Only a mothe r could love this liver
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
