Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
