Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
