walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
