Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
