to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
be right there i have to get my cape
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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