they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
