It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
