I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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